Relationships

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Relationships

The Energy Model—Energy Psychology

In recent times, a movement called ‘Energy Psychology’ has emerged to rival in popularity and in effectiveness the tradition of ‘the talking cure’, so long established in the West. It is applied to individual, couple and group issues, and is more ‘holistic’ in its approach, including not only mental/emotional notions and approaches, but also notions of wellness and of the use of the body, and has links to fields as diverse as acupuncture and bodywork in general. Various techniques are used, such as Thought Field Therapy, Emotional Freedom Technique, Touch For Health, and so on.

To consider relationship issues, the `energy model' of discord is useful, that is, a model which goes beyond the usual western model of interpersonal dynamics. So I'll speak of an `energy body', by which I mean something of a mixture of Rupert Sheldrake's `morphogenetic fields', Rudolf Steiner's `etheric body', the `meridian body' of acupuncture, and concepts connected to notions of `chi' and `prana' in other cultures. The underlying idea is that we are animated and penetrated and maintained as living beings by a living force field. When it departs or is destroyed, we die physically. When it is in a state of chaos or disharmony, we're ill. When there is a pattern of conflict between people, it can be described as one of a number of energetic interactive patterns.

Putting aside whether one or other model is right or wrong, it becomes clear that the energy model is useful, and often provides answers where other models grind to a halt.

The Subtle Anatomy of conflict

Few will disagree that when a conflict situation (or even the thought of one) arises, there is a strong sense of contraction or shrinking. Rather than fight, there is flight. This contraction shows in the physical body as tense, painful muscles, shallow breathing and a sense of fear or anxiety or anger. It also shows in the energy body as a contraction, rather like a `shell' or `cage' energetically set up round the person. Emotionally and mentally there is also a clear sense of contraction and withdrawal, from both self and others. Thus you have the sequence of: conflict > contraction > rigidity of response. In a relationship, each ‘pushes the other’s buttons’ in a predictable way leading towards the polarised and rigid conflict state.

Many will also agree that in such a state, it is as if one is trapped in a small part of oneself - there seems to be a regression to more of a child state, in which one's normal (adult) resources are unavailable (such as clarity, commonsense, tolerance, etc.). Everything seems to contract, a general fogginess occurs, and one's choices are severely reduced, so that it is difficult at the time to even conceive of any other options but the reactive state.

What's to be done?

There has been little progress in this field over the years. In fact, the situation seems to be getting less manageable. Standard talking therapies such as analysis seem to be unable to bridge the gap between `knowing' and doing. The mind knows the usual platitudes - stay calm! Be sensible! etc. But they don't seem to help.

I believe, based on wide experience with many clients and years of research into the subject, that the key lies in interrupting the cycle mentioned above: conflict > contraction > rigidity. The methods I primarily use to do so include:

1. See clearly the over-riding repetitive pattern

This requires some analysis of different instances of the pattern that is being presented. It may show, for example, a tendency to project one’s issues out onto a partner, to blame others for one’s issues, a misunderstanding of the other’s assumptions, or a misreading of signals given by the other. It is important to see clearly the role of habit and reactivity in these patterns. Once the pattern is clear, understood by both partners (particularly its interactive nature), a decision can be made to break down the pattern.

2. Intervention - Though Field Therapy (TFT) - Energy Psychology

This is an acupressure-based therapy of great power and simplicity, which is short, easy to apply, untraumatic and non-invasive. It interrupts the 'conflict > contraction' link. It consists of tapping particular acupuncture points in a specific sequence and frequency along with some processes designed to `re-align' the energy body, balancing also the left/right and front/back parts of the brain. Its effect is to loosen the rigidities of the `cage' or `shell' mentioned, the structure which is set up in one's energy field and which resonates to the conflict pattern, thus maintaining it.

3. Practice - Ki Energetics

'Ki' is the Japanese term for universal energy, just as the Chinese use 'chi', the Indians 'prana', and so on. Ki Energetics is based on the martial art Aikido, and is a sophisticated understanding of human energies (including emotions) and their development. It works to interrupt the 'contraction > rigidity state' link. Using a number of simple exercises, a client can be shown how to use his/her energy in a way which is instantly empowering, leading to a body-based calmness and groundedness. Ongoing practice leads ever deeper into ways of being in the body, and more consciousness mentally, that virtually prevent the onset of habitual patterns. Many people are unknowingly 'out of the body', with their energy congested around the head and shoulders and above, and the body in a generally contracted state. Ki Energetics makes the body a reliable and strong ally, instead of a burden. This also redresses the balance between mind and body, correcting our habitual over-reliance on the mental as a way to change and develop.

4. Further practice—Posture and Bodywork

Strongly linked to the Ki training above, even slight adjustments in posture can lead to quite profound experiences of being much more stable, mentally and physically. Combined with energy bodywork, circulation is restored throughout the physical and energy body, making the client much more resilient and self-reliant.

5. Development of Relationship protocols

Clients are encouraged to develop agreed procedures for handling their interactive patterns, once they have passed some way through the previous steps.

I believe that a combination of these approaches goes much further than conventional approaches in managing and eliminating conflict situations. And there are added benefits to this work - certain very useful skills are transferred to the clients, and there is an alignment of the mind and body which has far-reaching effects.